Pencils and Crayons not Computers

I took on substitute teaching as I try to get work experience and figure out if teaching is the path for me.  I am not certified because it would take at least another year to do so.  Therefore, I thought it would be worth my while, and better for future students, to make sure that it is something that I want to do.  Not to mention, as a mom of four it is imperative to make sure that sacrifices are as pleasant as possible.

Something I am learning is that teachers are most certainly not paid enough here in South Bend.  Not because the students are bad students—we all go through periods of frustration—but because there are so many true needs associated with the students and I know that most of these teachers would bend over backwards to help their students succeed.

For example, I have been to many elementary schools (who shall remain nameless) where the students don’t have the tools they need to aid in learning.  I am not talking about laptops or computers.  I am talking about the basic technology of crayons and pencils—and working pencil sharpeners.

The pencils that the students use are of the cheapest quality because that is the best some of these parents can do.  The leads break so easy that sometimes students get their name written on their work and have to sharpen a pencil that they just sharpened moments before.  But, the pencil “sharpeners” eat the pencils more than sharpen them.

I’ve taken to taking my own pencils (already sharpened) and if someone needs a sharpened pencil they get one of mine.  Otherwise we would spend half of the time fighting a beast of a machine.  Talk about disruption!  You should see the smiles on some of their faces when I give them a sharpened pencil that doesn’t seem to break every time they write their names. These pencils are not even decorated.  They are just yellow Ticonderogas.

I was at a school where the students were sharing crayons, half a box to 4 or five students.  They were, for the most part, willing participants heart and mind.  But it slowed processes down and caused more frustration than just learning basic principles.  They wanted to get their work done, but because they couldn’t move on when they were ready it caused some to just quit or get distracted to causing frustration for other students—namely nit picking and causing spats.

I don’t know much about the no child left behind idea but children are being left behind.  One teacher to 23 struggling second graders equals some little ones being left behind.  Not that the teachers want that.  They worry over what to do for their students to make learning a pleasant experience.  I am one parent to four children and when they all need me at the same time it can be exasperating—to say the least.

I am just a substitute and the precious little people leave impressions on me that lift my soul and haunt my dreams.  I want more for them but my hands are tied.  What can I do?  Ideas?

Who's the Boss

So, I have finally done it.  I have graduated with my BA in literature and writing.  Yay!  However, there is also a feeling that somehow I am not as complete as I thought I would be.  I thought I would somehow be bestowed with a feeling of empowerment.  I’m not. 

Instead, I feel like I have digressed because I know now that I know nothing in the greater scheme of things-- Especially when it comes to parenting teens -- who think they are empowered by some unseen force. 

I have a child about to turn 13--next week as a matter of fact.  I also have a 40-something husband and father of the teenager “to be.”  At times it is almost impossible to tell the two apart.  Their behavior is so alike and sooooo frustrating!  They are continuously butting heads.  It’s like there are both vying for the head honcho of the family. 

Neither of the two wants to listen to the other.  Each believes with all of his might that he is right and that is that.  Each wants to do what he wants to do and believes that the other should do it also.  They jump to conclusions at the same time and reversals occur that put my head into a flat spin. 

My question is . . . How do I get them to realize who is really the boss?  Me . . . by virtue of motherhood!

Why Can't Life be More Like a Game Show?

Do you ever wish that life was kind of like a game show where if you don’t want to mess with the object at hand you can just say “pass” and then everything will move on as if it was never a part of the rubric? 

The bullies have returned to school and . . . miracle of miracles . . . the four (my son plus the three girls) are now –friends? 

Wow.

 I had to ask him how that happened.  He said that he wasn’t sure, just that he held the door open for the girls when then came back to class today and that they seemed to sincerely compliment him on his skills during gym.

Will it keep up?  I hope so. 

Now -- on to the next challenge.  A virus is starting to spread through the house.  I have classes tomorrow.  I have a midterm exam tomorrow.  I have no one to watch sick children who are terrible patients  . . . pass . . . please . . .  pass . . . pass!

What’s that you say? Request Denied?  Well . . . that just stinketh!

Coping Strategy of the Week



Image credit iStockphoto

We all have days where we think we might just burst a bubble or when we think that those dark clouds of doom and gloom will forever haunt us.  Many times we don't want to hear "every cloud has a silver lining."  However, "every cloud does have a silver lining" when you step back far enough to be able to see it.

It can be hard to see the worthwhile job we as parents we are doing . . . especially when in the midst of that heated homework battle, bath time battle, cleaning the room battle, etc.

I just got through with a couple of those battles myself and felt like I was going to either implode or explode.  However, I stepped away from the situation giving myself a much needed “timeout” and retreated to my happy place.  I took a deep breath. I uttered a prayer with a few tears.  Then I dried my eyes with a couple swipes of the finger. 

Then I attacked the situation with much more self control and . . . the battle continues on the outside but on the inside . . . well, the timeout is still helping and I am much more at peace with being a mother:

Even when the seven year old keeps peeping out to see if I am aware that she is awake--
Even though she whines that she cannot sleep--
Even when the four year old whines for a drink--
Even though I am grasping for time to do my homework--
I am okay and the raging battle inside is no more.

Now, does anyone know how to get them to surrender to my demands and actually stay in bed and go to sleep?
 

Heartbroken about Bullying

The irony of life continues to amaze me.  On my last post I thought that my son was going to be okay.  He has his mouthy days to teachers who are great at taking it in stride explaining to him the situation to which he responds contemplatively and apologetically--normal preteen stuff. 

Then I pick my son up from school and he seems okay . . . until he gets about two feet from me where he commences to sob.  He is heartbroken.  I am heartbroken and don’t even know why.

It takes about 30 seconds (a lifetime in sob time) to finally get him to talk--to tell me what has distressed him so.

He is in seventh grade.  On Tuesday he has Gym.  Tuesday three eighth grade girls physically accosted him.  Two girls grabbed his arms tightly while the third yelled in his face.  He can’t remember what was said because he was terrified that he would be physically harmed more that what was happening.

The thing is that the teacher had left the class to go into the building (they were out on the field) to retrieve something that he had forgotten.  Doesn’t he know that you never leave 30 seventh and eighth graders alone without supervision?

He and I wrote up reports about what happened.  Gave it to the vice-principal and waited to find out what was going to happen . . . if he needed to be concerned when he returned to school the next day.  He did NOT want to go to school the following day and I didn’t feel inclined to make him go. 

The vice principal said that Thursday and Friday he will have no need to fear but she could not tell me what happened to the girls responsible for terrifying my son.  But, what about Monday?  Tuesday? Wednesday?  The rest of the year?  This is not the first time the girls have attempted to intimidate him.

With all that has happened I wonder and worry about his safety.  What do you think you would you do if you were put in this situation?

Nice Matters

Have you ever been in a hail storm or tornado?  Have you been pelted by things that after the constant barrage of well meaning criticism you simply implode or explode?  It seems that our youth are under fire with the tongues of their peers.  Our youth are killing themselves or each other as a result of the constant fire and disapproval. 

My son is 12 and has experienced the accusation of being “gay.”  He has experienced unfounded rumors that he and a friend of his kissed each other.  Lies and yet they live because our youth want to find someone to demean and demote.  Like politicians these bullies lie to make others like them because they want to be perceived as better than the victim.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is practically run via cyberspace. Villain and non-villain, alike, have 24-hour access to this invisible world to communicate.  Unfortunately, some of these communes turn national because someone said something or did something and told the rest of the world. 

It is the atom bomb of meanness to video tape someone without their knowledge--especially a private act (I don’t care who it is with) and then post it on the internet. I feel for the family of Tyler Clementi and his friends.

Whatever happened to just being nice? 

So how do you keep children safe in a world so widely available?  In our family we try to avoid the barrage of mean-speak by making sure that the computer is in a central location where an adult is always available.  My children do not carry cell phones and they do not have their own email address.  They are only 12 and under.  As they get older this will have to change but not until I feel they can handle it appropriately.

But above all--they need to learn to be nice because nice matters! 

Just Time

Thanks to my 7 year old daughter, I have had an awakening.  She loves me. 

Many days I wake up fight to get her and her siblings awake, fed, then to school.  Then I fight to get them home, homework done, fed, bathed, ready for bed and then we rush through our nightly prayers so I can go do my homework and get myself to bed at a decent hour--10 o’clock usually.

I have had to literally peel this child off of me and out of the car.  I have had to get in the car with teachers to head her off at the pass so she will not run out into the road.  --THE HARDEST thing I have ever had to do.

When trying to stave off a temper tantrum I finally asked Emily what she wanted from me.  She simply wanted to spend time with me--like other moms do with her friends at school.

We made a deal--it worked.  I promised to eat lunch with her Friday if she would go to school without a problem Monday thru Friday.  She did.  When I went in on Friday the secretaries at the front of the school said that she was practically floating because she was so happy.

Ch-ching! She just wants time with me-her mom. The whole lunch time she was quiet with a grin from ear to ear. She was giggling . . .  yet quiet.  She was at peace--something I have not seen in a long time. I could sense the joy because it radiated from her very being.  We shall have another date like this.  Why?  Because she loves me, and I love her.