Disappointment and Discouragement Abated

This morning I discovered the best time to contemplate an event is in the early morning hours.  Preferably not 4:30 in the morning, but there you go—early.

I suffered, what I thought at the time, was a bitter disappointment yesterday.  A second chance at what I thought was meant to be and wanted so very much happened.  While some may think it juvenile—let’s face it, we all have those moments—a beautiful sheltie shepherd mix puppy came up for adoption.

I have a family who have various struggles such as high anxiety, Asperger’s, epilepsy, ADHD, depression, just to name a few.  I have wanted a puppy to raise with the unknown that can make older dogs nervous. 

I wanted a dog to comfort when in distress, to alert when things are out of balance. 

I wanted a friend for a child who has an extremely hard time understanding the human world. 

A friend to take on walks individually and together. 

I claimed medical and mental necessity.

After the sweet thing was adopted, I was heart broken.  After a couple years of looking, a friend had found what I thought would be the newest member of my family.  It was adopted quickly by another and therefore out of reach.  I started looking for other possibilities but could not locate any out of the many cute and adorable faces that made me as excited.

Then I got a text that my first choice may still be up for adoption.  I was instantly excited, thinking, “It must be meant to be.”

My mother advised against it, because there are already a lot of adjustments going on in the family as we change living arrangements, finish my schooling, amid other things.

I called my husband, hoping that he would side with me—I didn’t tell him what mother had said.  (I sound very much like a child here going from parent to parent).

He said the same thing she said—ugh!  I wanted nothing more than to wallow in self-pity and disappointment.  But there wasn’t time.  I had to go to work—and since I LOVE my job . . . I pushed forward. 

I remember thinking, “I have not felt this much disappointment and discouragement in a long time.”

I knew I couldn’t walk into work the way I was feeling.  So, I prayed.  But, I didn’t pray that I would get my way and somehow this puppy would be ours.  I prayed for knowledge.  I expressed my disappointment to the Lord.  I told him I didn’t think it was fair, that we should have some type of pleasure in our stress ridden home.  However, I asked him, that if it was right that Mom and husband would see the necessity.  And, if it was not right, to help me to accept and move on and feel no more distress and disappointment.

I got to work, still a little encumbered by my personal drama but making an effort to put it aside.  As I got into the activity of doing what I love, it became easier to let it go—for at least the time being.  I did express my frustration to a friend, who was wise enough to acknowledge my feelings and then redirect my thoughts.

By the time I got home, was drained from the day, which started out busy and kept busy.  After a decent night’s sleep, I awoke and considered the day before and the lessons found within.

Sometimes, it is really difficult to accept the plan our Heavenly Father has for us.  While this is a simple example in retrospect, I quote Alma in the Book of Mormon:

“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great thing brought to pass” (37:6).

REAL TIME:

An amazing thing just happened as I quoted this scripture.  Just before I went to sleep last night, honestly still feeling a little put out, I got the impression to read this chapter in Alma.  I put it aside thinking, “I am always reading Alma.”

Let me explain, it seems whenever I am having a struggle my brain goes to Alma (I think this stems from an incident in childhood I experienced at my mother’s knee—that’s for another time).  Therefore, I thought it was just my brain interfering. 

Now, I feel humbled, and even more compelled to dedicate my rarely free morning to Alma’s teachings.