Why Can't Life be More Like a Game Show?

Do you ever wish that life was kind of like a game show where if you don’t want to mess with the object at hand you can just say “pass” and then everything will move on as if it was never a part of the rubric? 

The bullies have returned to school and . . . miracle of miracles . . . the four (my son plus the three girls) are now –friends? 

Wow.

 I had to ask him how that happened.  He said that he wasn’t sure, just that he held the door open for the girls when then came back to class today and that they seemed to sincerely compliment him on his skills during gym.

Will it keep up?  I hope so. 

Now -- on to the next challenge.  A virus is starting to spread through the house.  I have classes tomorrow.  I have a midterm exam tomorrow.  I have no one to watch sick children who are terrible patients  . . . pass . . . please . . .  pass . . . pass!

What’s that you say? Request Denied?  Well . . . that just stinketh!

Coping Strategy of the Week



Image credit iStockphoto

We all have days where we think we might just burst a bubble or when we think that those dark clouds of doom and gloom will forever haunt us.  Many times we don't want to hear "every cloud has a silver lining."  However, "every cloud does have a silver lining" when you step back far enough to be able to see it.

It can be hard to see the worthwhile job we as parents we are doing . . . especially when in the midst of that heated homework battle, bath time battle, cleaning the room battle, etc.

I just got through with a couple of those battles myself and felt like I was going to either implode or explode.  However, I stepped away from the situation giving myself a much needed “timeout” and retreated to my happy place.  I took a deep breath. I uttered a prayer with a few tears.  Then I dried my eyes with a couple swipes of the finger. 

Then I attacked the situation with much more self control and . . . the battle continues on the outside but on the inside . . . well, the timeout is still helping and I am much more at peace with being a mother:

Even when the seven year old keeps peeping out to see if I am aware that she is awake--
Even though she whines that she cannot sleep--
Even when the four year old whines for a drink--
Even though I am grasping for time to do my homework--
I am okay and the raging battle inside is no more.

Now, does anyone know how to get them to surrender to my demands and actually stay in bed and go to sleep?
 

Heartbroken about Bullying

The irony of life continues to amaze me.  On my last post I thought that my son was going to be okay.  He has his mouthy days to teachers who are great at taking it in stride explaining to him the situation to which he responds contemplatively and apologetically--normal preteen stuff. 

Then I pick my son up from school and he seems okay . . . until he gets about two feet from me where he commences to sob.  He is heartbroken.  I am heartbroken and don’t even know why.

It takes about 30 seconds (a lifetime in sob time) to finally get him to talk--to tell me what has distressed him so.

He is in seventh grade.  On Tuesday he has Gym.  Tuesday three eighth grade girls physically accosted him.  Two girls grabbed his arms tightly while the third yelled in his face.  He can’t remember what was said because he was terrified that he would be physically harmed more that what was happening.

The thing is that the teacher had left the class to go into the building (they were out on the field) to retrieve something that he had forgotten.  Doesn’t he know that you never leave 30 seventh and eighth graders alone without supervision?

He and I wrote up reports about what happened.  Gave it to the vice-principal and waited to find out what was going to happen . . . if he needed to be concerned when he returned to school the next day.  He did NOT want to go to school the following day and I didn’t feel inclined to make him go. 

The vice principal said that Thursday and Friday he will have no need to fear but she could not tell me what happened to the girls responsible for terrifying my son.  But, what about Monday?  Tuesday? Wednesday?  The rest of the year?  This is not the first time the girls have attempted to intimidate him.

With all that has happened I wonder and worry about his safety.  What do you think you would you do if you were put in this situation?

Nice Matters

Have you ever been in a hail storm or tornado?  Have you been pelted by things that after the constant barrage of well meaning criticism you simply implode or explode?  It seems that our youth are under fire with the tongues of their peers.  Our youth are killing themselves or each other as a result of the constant fire and disapproval. 

My son is 12 and has experienced the accusation of being “gay.”  He has experienced unfounded rumors that he and a friend of his kissed each other.  Lies and yet they live because our youth want to find someone to demean and demote.  Like politicians these bullies lie to make others like them because they want to be perceived as better than the victim.

Unfortunately, we live in a world that is practically run via cyberspace. Villain and non-villain, alike, have 24-hour access to this invisible world to communicate.  Unfortunately, some of these communes turn national because someone said something or did something and told the rest of the world. 

It is the atom bomb of meanness to video tape someone without their knowledge--especially a private act (I don’t care who it is with) and then post it on the internet. I feel for the family of Tyler Clementi and his friends.

Whatever happened to just being nice? 

So how do you keep children safe in a world so widely available?  In our family we try to avoid the barrage of mean-speak by making sure that the computer is in a central location where an adult is always available.  My children do not carry cell phones and they do not have their own email address.  They are only 12 and under.  As they get older this will have to change but not until I feel they can handle it appropriately.

But above all--they need to learn to be nice because nice matters! 

Just Time

Thanks to my 7 year old daughter, I have had an awakening.  She loves me. 

Many days I wake up fight to get her and her siblings awake, fed, then to school.  Then I fight to get them home, homework done, fed, bathed, ready for bed and then we rush through our nightly prayers so I can go do my homework and get myself to bed at a decent hour--10 o’clock usually.

I have had to literally peel this child off of me and out of the car.  I have had to get in the car with teachers to head her off at the pass so she will not run out into the road.  --THE HARDEST thing I have ever had to do.

When trying to stave off a temper tantrum I finally asked Emily what she wanted from me.  She simply wanted to spend time with me--like other moms do with her friends at school.

We made a deal--it worked.  I promised to eat lunch with her Friday if she would go to school without a problem Monday thru Friday.  She did.  When I went in on Friday the secretaries at the front of the school said that she was practically floating because she was so happy.

Ch-ching! She just wants time with me-her mom. The whole lunch time she was quiet with a grin from ear to ear. She was giggling . . .  yet quiet.  She was at peace--something I have not seen in a long time. I could sense the joy because it radiated from her very being.  We shall have another date like this.  Why?  Because she loves me, and I love her.

Where is "Nowhere Land"?



Image credit Aftab

 As a mother on the go there are still places that I never go because other things take priority.  This picture reminds me of the escape that I so long for at times.

For example, today I had to take one child and her friend to one school, take another child to a different school (waiting 20 minutes for the school to open so she could go inside).  Then I had to rush home finish making myself look presentable with a quick pin up in a barrette and some blush.  Then I had to rush out the door to take another child to get his required immunizations so that they would not evict him from his studies.

However, when I was on my way to the appointment I realized that I had forgotten the required paperwork (his shot record).  As I was turning around--getting stressed because I was already late--I almost got in the way of another car.  Whooo--that was close.

I run in the door--run out the door with paperwork in tow.  Throw it at my son and tell him to not lose it under any circumstance. Back out of the driveway and call the office to see if we can still keep our appointment because it is actually time for our appointment.  Everything is fine so I press forward.

Meanwhile, I have on my mind, the homework that I still have to complete, the anxiety that my son is feeling because he knows that he is getting shots--plural.  And wondering if I can do this much longer before going off the deep end.

But I made it.  Just not to the dock in the picture with the boat that will take me to the middle of "nowhere land."  But I made it.  I am calm, cool, and collected and ready to chill.  Oh, wait--I have to leave for class in five minutes.  Does anyone know how to create more time out of none?

Why Adventures in Parenting

My life is inundated with children and their individual crisis’, with cooking, cleaning, laundry, class time, homework (the kid’s and mine) -- and somewhere in the midst of the going there is supposed to be some stopping--in the form of sleep. I often have the following lyrics by Alabama going through my head:

I’m in a hurry to get things done.
I rush and rush until life’s no fun.
All I really gotta do is live and die.
I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.

The truth is I know why I am in a hurry and I have much more to do that just live and die. I have four children who need me to guide them through life. They all need a piece of me at times separately and at times at the same time. In essence I am living multiple lives--my own is intertwined with four children and a husband. My life is not my own.

I often wonder what I have to offer. I am not so naïve as to think that I am the only mother to feel the push and pull of the lives I have chosen. All mothers, at one point or another, need to know that they are not alone. We need to compare notes and be reassured that most of the things we combat each day are a “normal” part of life as parents. This belief helps us to carry on and push forward through the endless diapers, dishes, clothing, and sibling spats. And so . . . I offer my joys, frustrations, embarrassments, and epiphanies to the world of cyberspace.

Three Little Blogs

Of all blogs in cyber space I have found three that I seem to enjoy. They speak to me because of who I am or who I want to be in the future.

Copyblogger.com was the first to be found as it is on the "50 most powerful blogs." I found that one blog out of all 50 the only one I could identify with as it offers advice and guidance in a subject close to my heart--writing. I enjoy writing--I don't get to do enough. I have visions of plots dancing in my head but have been unable to put then dancing in front of the eyes on crisp white paper.

Huffinenglish.com is a British education blog by a teacher of English. I want to teach English Literature in secondary education here in the United States. What better way to get suggestions about a subject than by someone who lives in the world of English Literature. The site even has handouts that might be useful in my teaching days a couple years from now. It will be interesting to compare the two different worlds of England and the United States in the educational arena.

The Daily Grind is also a blog by a teacher and father. Though I am a mother, I feel that perspective from these two employs -- parent and educator -- could help me in my "daily grind" as I approach certification as a teacher and as a parent going to school to do so. Oh . . . and he is easy to read.

Now you know a little bit about my character and now I must get back to the "daily grind."